Saturday, September 21, 2019

Cheese Sticks and Melatonin

 Okay I lied. I’m not so good at being on my own. I never went on that self date and I’m afraid it’s not as easy as it was the first few days. 

I feel incredibly lonely. I work by myself during the day and go home to an empty house at night. It’s a terrible feeling, too much solitude. I’m craving true human interaction. 

It was nice having “me time” in the beginning. The quiet soothed me. I enjoyed the being with my own thoughts and surroundings. Now it haunts me. Lurks in the corner and demands to be heard. Or not heard, I suppose. 

It consumes me. Every fiber. There’s no energy left for me to do anything else, but feel it. My hunger dissipates and my body feels weak. All I can do is sleep for now. Sleep will help. It always does. 

I look forward to bedtime because that means I’m closer to tomorrow. Closer to a new day. Closer to Jesse coming home. It seems brighter. 

So finish my dinner of string cheese and top it off with melatonin. 

Tomorrow is brighter. Tomorrow I will be stronger.

Til next time, 


Tuesday, September 17, 2019

Table for One

Seven months later, and I am finally settled in New York. It took me longer this time around. I arrived with my guard up and in tact. However, it slowly came down, and now living with Jesse in Brooklyn feels like home.

Home feels a little emptier these days. Acting took Jesse away to LA for two weeks. This is the longest we have been apart since moving in together. At first I panicked. At last I was in a routine- comfortable and safe. We do most things together, from grocery shopping to boxing at the gym. How the heck am I going to do it alone??

Well, surprisingly I am doing it just fine. Every day I wake up and continue that routine. I still go to work, walk Jeff, box, and see friends. I was so scared for nothing. Yeah I feel a little lonely sometimes, but being alone isn't always a bad thing. I need to be comfortable in my own company, which is something I tend to forget. This week I am going to take myself on a date. So cheesy, but I like the sound of it.

It's important to be independent in a relationship, especially when things like this happen. I can be alone, and I CAN LIKE IT! Okay maybe that was a little aggressive, I still miss Jesse every second, but you get the point. 

I'll let you know how the date goes. 

Til next time,