I don't own a dishwasher. So my whole life, my family and I washed dishes by hand. My biggest pet peeve is when the sponge is left in the sink because it gets all mildew-y. So yesterday I made a simple request- some may say a passive aggressive one- and left a note by the sink that read. "Do not leave sponge in sink. Ty."
Never in my wildest dreams would have expected this response in my family group chat.
.... from my mother.
There's a lesson here somewhere, but I still have no words.
It starts in my throat. A dry tight sensation that feels like something is stuck in it.
Then I get really warm. My face. My body. I feel red patches begin to form on my neck and chest. I know something is wrong.
My mind and body sense I'm in danger. Fight or flight kicks in. My adrenaline is pumping. Where is the danger? Where can I run?
It's in my head. There is no where to run. I lose grip on the rest of the coherent thoughts I had left.
Whatever indecent sparked this is now life or death. I struggle to breathe and start to choke. The tears come uncontrollably. If I try to talk it just makes them fall harder.
I still have no sense of reason. Just fear. The panic I feel is real. I can't communicate what is wrong to others. I need to sit. I am going to die.
Whether it's been ten minutes or three hours, it still feel like a lifetime to me. It passed. I'm alive, but totally drained. I need water. I need to lie down. Someone somewhere tells me it's going to be okay.
It's different for others, but this is what an anxiety attack feels like for me.